Episode 104: Goodbye.

Sometimes I ask myself if you're just playing around with my feelings... I've tried so hard to get over you but every single time I see your face, I can't help but to fall in love again with you... You have the power to make me feel weak inside. I always knew when you came back that you will be with somebody else, so that is why for now I will say goodbye to you, but no doubt you will always have my heart...

I'm feeling so lost now.

Episode 103: Broken

Having a broken heart sucks.

Everyday you go on, doing all that is expected of you. But it's all just a show. Your heart has shattered into a billion unmendable pieces and its just a crumpled up mess inside of you. You think you have nothing else to protect because you believe that all that is worth fighting for has been taken from you. . . But that's not entirely true. If you are to be honest to all of those around you, about how much you don't even care anymore about if you live or die, you risk hurting the one's closest to you. And as far as i know, I'd rather die a trillion times then see what ever is left of my family and friends hurt. Because, for me, that's the worst possible punishment.

I can't stand hurting anyone else.

Episode 102: Hopeful

After my last post, I sat down and thought for a long time. Trying to make sense of what happened and why it happened. This is what I came up with:

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.

I've always thought she was the "amazing" thing to have happened to me. Even though she might think otherwise, I still feel the same way now. Seeing how well she's doing, I couldn't help but be a little jealous of her. But its okay now and I can accept that. Life is sure hard for me. Some people just get all the lucky breaks but not me. I have to scratch, claw to get what I want.

So I guess I'll continue to work hard at what I do and be kind to those around me because that's all I can be. Hopefully, someone notices me. And maybe a nice looking girl too!

By the way, I congratulated her but she said I was being sarcastic.

I hate you.

Episode 101: Pathetic

I thought that it would be good idea. A mini reunion of some sort. Besides, its been quite a while since we all saw her.

Well, I guess I thought wrong.... Again.

All I wanted to say at that moment just couldn't come out. What's wrong with me? Instead, feelings of bitterness started to take over. Why? I just don't know...

They spoke the whole time while I just sat there silent. Only opening my mouth when needed to, saying half hearted replies. They began talking about their jobs and their love life.

And then it hit me. Slowly but surely I was starting to feel sorry for myself. Feeling pathetic about being me. I don't know if they meant to do it or not but it did happen.

I should have left just now. Regretting it right now...

I swear to God nobody will ever do that to me again. I'll promise myself that.

Episode 100: Special People

Things will come at you in life, and you'll need special people around you to help face them, so don't get sucked in by the show-offs or the smooth talkers. It's the quiet ones, who watch and listen and care, that you need to look out for. And if you find one, don't ever let them go. Not even when you're afraid of where it might take you, when you're scared of what you really might feel if you let yourself. You have to be brave, because you don't get much time and you don't get many chances to find someone who will respect you, listen to you, and love you completely for who you are.

I believe this much is true.